Escare IncFatherhood: Your rights as a father
If you are going through a separation or divorce you probably wonder how this will affect the children and how you can help them through this difficult time.
The most important things you can do are:
Let your children know that the separation is not their fault. Often children blame themselves for the fact that their parents are breaking up. It is very important that they understand it is an issue between your partner and yourself and nothing they have done has caused the separation.
Make sure they know that you love them and will keep loving them despite the separation and the changes it will bring to the family. Explain that you will organise to see them regularly if they do not live with you and make sure you follow through with that promise.
Contact Visits
If the children don't usually live with you but visit you regularly, it may be helpful to consider the following issues when planning your next contact visit:
Some non residential parents feel they must make up for the breakdown of the family by giving presents and money to their children. The concept of a Disney Dad' arises whereby Dad's don't get to be involved in important part of parenting around boundary setting and challenges.
Sometimes children feel bored when they visit their friends are not around, they don't have their usual toys or books and don't really feel at home. You may fear you are losing their affection and try to make up for it with expensive outings and presents.
Making contact visits successful
Help your children feel more at home by organising their own place to sleep and space where they can keep books, toys and other possessions in your home.
Plan activities for the contact visits. These don't need to be extravagant. Footy in the park, swimming or playing a board game together are good ideas. What children need is your time, company and attention to know they are still important people in your life. Find a balance between outside activities and time at home.
Involve the children in routine activities, give them responsibilities in your home so they feel they are part of your household and not visitors.
Although it may be tempting try to avoid asking your children about their other home and their new step parent if they don't talk about it spontaneously. Some children feel torn between the two households and questioning does not help them settle into the new situation.